Tuesday night I went to Whole Foods, and my back went out in the produce section.

Any one of you who has had back problems before can identify with this dilemma. I had shopping to do, both for myself and for our pets, but I couldn’t easily maneuver the cart through the store without a back spasm every few minutes. The grimace on my face and the awkward gait my back pain was causing looked SUPER-CUTE, I’m sure, but I needed groceries, dammit, and I was going to get them. So I steeled myself for a long shopping trip and got ‘er done.

But my steely resolve did not stop me from heading to the Whole Body section, where I loaded up on anti-inflammatories and topical gels. Also, I bought a half-bottle of wine. Look, my back goes out a lot, and I try to avoid downing fistfuls of Advil every time it happens. So I opted for homeopathic (and alcoholic) counter-measures that night, and thankfully, they did the trick.

The car ride home was less than enjoyable, and when I got back to our house it took me many trips from the car to bring in all the groceries. By the time the last bag was in the house, I was desperate for a solution. I dug out the bottles and tubes I’d purchased and examined what I’d bought; I’d been less-than-attentive at the store when the helpful Whole Body team member had been explaining what the different products were for. Crippling muscle spasms will do that to a person.

Anyway, I found my usual remedies in the bag, red wine and a topical arnica cream. There was also something new, a supplement called Zyflamend. It was supposed to help with inflammation and joint function, so I figured I’d give it a shot. The package directions said to “take two softgels three times daily, in the middle of a larger meal with an 8 oz. glass of water.” Naturally, I took all six softgels at once, and downed them with a swig of wine. And…

Nothing.

But I’m not really sure that’s fair. I’ve been taking this supplement now for two days, and I still don’t feel a difference, but again, I’ve been working through my back problems instead of taking care of myself. So, who’s to say whether Zyflamend is working or not? I’ll keep taking it for a couple of weeks, and if I notice anything, I’ll let you guys know. Until then, it’s red wine and arnica, which are both totally working.