A Note on Halloween Candy

While I wish I could say that I buy organic candy for the tots who come trotting up to our door each Halloween, alas, I can’t. We live on a really, really busy corner, and we have to buy an insane load of candy each year to provide for all those kids. The running joke is that pre-Halloween we might have to take out a loan to afford all that candy. And I’m always shocked at the kids who grab handfuls of candy, not to mention the parents who stand by without making their kids say “thank you.” I’ve turned into one of those people who asks ungrateful trick-or-treaters, “Now, what do you say?” The amount of curmudgeonry at our house grows each year, I’m afraid.

As a result of our high levels of Halloween traffic, we do tend to buy candy from drugstores or other stores where we can get a deal. But there is something we keep in mind: animal testing apparently extends into the world of America’s most beloved sweets, those products manufactured by the Mars company. Mars makes M&M’s, as well as Starburst, Snickers, Twix, and Skittles. According to PETA, Mars performs cruel and painful tests on animals to see how chocolate affects them in order to make health claims about their chocolate.

While PETA has earned a well-deserved reputation for being outlandishly irrational and inflammatory, in this case Mars has confirmed that they perform animal testing. Mars says it’s required by law because their chocolate contains flavanols, a naturally-occurring substance in chocolate which apparently offer benefits to your brain and bloodflow. I’m all for learning about how various foods affect our health, but why is it necessary to do things like cutting open the legs of baby mice to find out how flavanols affect our systems? Why can’t we just be content with the fact that chocolate is somewhat good for us?

Oh, that’s right, health claims make money.

Here are some health claims pertaining to flavanols. If you look at the bottom of the page, these claims are sponsored by Mars, Incorporated. Hey, good to know how they obtained this information, right? Jerks.

So, if you haven’t already purchased your Halloween candy this year, make sure you buy candy from the Hershey company. I’m not saying that Hershey’s is great, because they use high-fructose corn syrup in about everything they make… which includes Reese’s peanut butter cups, Kit Kat bars, Hershey’s kisses, Almond Joy, Mounds, Twizzlers, and Jolly Ranchers. (By the way, trying to find out what the ingredients of these products are is a pain in the ass.) But, almost all drugstore candy contains corn syrup and poor-quality chocolate, so at least if you buy Hershey’s products you know you won’t be supporting animal testing. On CHOCOLATE. Oh, for the love.

Also, here’s a tip: If you want to enjoy the health benefits of chocolate, eat good-quality super-dark chocolate, which is expensive and bitter. Get your chocolate health the natural way, and screw Mars.